Building confidence

We often hear people say they are not confident and that is just the way they are! That feeling of ‘there is nothing to be done because it is what it is’, is both liberating and limiting.

Liberating because, if confidence really is part of our DNA then there is nothing to be done about a lack of confidence, we must accept our lot in life. Limiting because believing something is the way it is stops us trying to make it different. Limiting because we think we have no choices to make, and therefore we don’t make any. The truth is, a percentage of confidence is thought to be genetic and that portion is thought to be around 50%, so the other 50% is flexible and can be learned and built by us if we choose to. So how do we even start to become more confident, particularly when we don’t feel confident to start with?

Here are 3 things you can make a start on that we think will give you a jump-start into feeling more confident and self-assured.

1 Edit your friend list.

Stop seeing people who bring you down, toxic people who don’t make you feel good about yourself should be exited from your friend list. You don’t need anyone in your life that doesn’t care for you and build you up. Friends who respect and care for us build our confidence and self-worth so seek out the people who make you feel good and spend time with them regularly.

2. Trust your instincts.

Go with your gut even if your logical mind thinks your gut is a little wacky! We are programmed to have the equivalent of a ‘spidey sense’ that little tingle that goes off when something isn’t right or when you should choose to do something your logic tells you is a little tricky. The more you trust yourself, the more you will grow your confidence to do things you didn’t think possible.

3. Celebrate the small wins. 

Take time to recognise the things you are good at and spend a moment congratulating yourself. When we lack confidence, it is easy to get into a spiral of being critical of everything we do. The 'I’m hopeless’ cycle drags us down. The way to reverse this is to start the positive cycle to build us up. Think about the last time you made a good decision, the last time you helped someone, the last time you invested in making yourself better either physically, mentally or emotionally, the last time you made a mistake and forgave yourself rather than beating yourself up over it. These are all confidence-building wins if we take the time to recognise them and celebrate them.

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