Make your point heard
There is sometimes a difference between wanting to communicate and finding the right time or way to say what we want to say. This is particularly true when we need to ask questions or want to give feedback. As soon as we think the message might have a bit of risk attached to it our fear instinct kicks in and produces an adrenaline rush so we hesitate to do something that might feel difficult. We also feel that same jolt of adrenaline when we are on the receiving end of questions or challenges. This is because our built-in survival instinct awakens and gets us ready to react to any danger, even if that danger these days is simply feeling uncomfortable in some situations.
If we want to reduce the adrenaline we can make the question expected rather than make it a surprise.
The easy way to do this is to simply ask to ask!
This little technique is really effective, as soon as you ask if you can ask you will find almost everyone says YES please do ask. This is partly because people are inquisitive and want to hear what you have to say once you tell them you have something to say. It also prepares the person to listen to what you say, they have agreed to listen and that creates a little bit of commitment to take what you say seriously.
Try saying something like, ‘may I offer a view on this’? You will find almost everyone says yes - if by some chance someone says NO - just say ok and leave it at that. You will find even if someone says no they change their mind immediately and say ‘actually yes please say what you think’.
Giving feedback can be made easier if you try saying something like ‘ I am ok to offer you an observation or offer you my perspective’?
It is important to ask questions and give feedback from a genuine desire to help if you make that the backdrop for everything you do, you won’t go far wrong.
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